Most children are unfamiliar with the concept of cremation, so the death of a friend or relative which results in cremation may be a very confusing time for them. Children whose lives will be touched by cremation will probably require some information to understand the decision and process. Explaining death to children, explaining cremation to children and involving children in cremation decisions are all important to ensure that children have an idea of what is happening following a death.

In explaining cremation to your child, avoid words that may have a frightening connotation such as “fire” and “burn”. Instead, in a straight-forward manner, tell your child that the deceased body, enclosed in a casket or container, is taken to a place call a crematorium where it goes through a special process that reduces it to small particles resembling fine gray or white sand. Be sure to point out that a dead body feels no pain.

Adults should try to keep these explanations simple and answer directly only the questions that a child has asked. If a child wants to know more, they will ask further questions but it may be that by giving more information than the child requires they could become overwhelmed by it all.

If possible, arrange for a time when you and your child can be with the body before the cremation is carried out. If handled correctly, this time can be a positive experience for the child. It can provide an opportunity for the child to say “goodbye” and accept the reality of death. However, the viewing of the body should not be forced. Use your best judgment on whether or not this should be done.

Children will usually not be involved in the decision to cremate a deceased loved one or not, but if an adult believes that they would benefit from some involvement in the process then there are some decisions that children can help make. Involving children in the process by asking them to help with urn selection, urn placement, the scattering of ashes or memorial services before or after the cremation can all help children feel more involved in the process. This involvement will of course depend on the age and inclination of particular children, so it is not recommended that children be pushed to be involved or make a decision with which they are not comfortable.